I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
by Damned Lolita
Summary: Poor Matsuda. He just wanted to go on a date. But with Misa, Light, and L all stalking him, getting some peace and quiet with his new crush isn't exactly easy. Especially when Misa has a camera. ::MatsudaxMikami::


(My favorite never-met-complete-crack pairing in the Death Note fandom. Seriously. And some L/Light because I love that pairing so much that as soon as I get elected Supreme Ruler of the Universe, I am making an L/Light day filled with celebration and yaoi goodness. _Seriously_.

Anyways, set in the Yotsuba arc. Light isn't Kira anymore, and neither is Misa. Mikami is OOC, I'm aware, but this is before he got all obsessed with Kira and became Light's man-bitch, and how the hell am I supposed to write romance if the man involved is a friggin' lunatic!?

Also, anyways, I switch between Mikami and Teru a lot, mostly because I'm so used to hearing him called Mikami on the damn show that it's hard to refer to him as Teru. Forgive me if it's a bit harder to understand because of that...I have to break the habit. Anyways, don't own Death Note, or the songs, "Closer", "Kiss the Girl", and "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend". That last one is the cause of all this; it's been running through my head for HOURS, and I was like, 'alright, can't think of a better title, eff it, I'm using it! GAH!)

* * *

Matsuda sighed, rolling his eyes and sticking his tongue out at the people in front of him.

This was insane. He was really, really, incredibly annoyed with L right now. He liked Misa-Misa; she seemed like the only one in this damn investigation that could be a kind and caring person once in awhile, but he did not enjoy being her manager.

"And, of course, L's really just trying to get us all out of the headquarters so he can screw Light senseless in the kitchen." He muttered to himself. He actually knew this for a fact; he would never look at chocolate syrup the same way again...

He shivered. He had learned one thing from that experience; when L says 'be back by five', _don't _come back any earlier.

He looked at the director, who was currently arguing with Misa over costume development, and decided he would go for a walk.

He left the film's area, and headed down a trail through the park, watching little kids playing in the fields. He looked up at the sky, and sighed.

He was aimless. He never really stood out, or did anything noteworthy. He was just rather...average to most people, just that one klutz who never managed to do anything right.

He grimaced. But he _was_ special; not a genius like Light or L, or resourceful like the chief, or anything, really, but...He was his own person, and he was satisfied with himself.

He looked up, and noticed he'd strolled right past his favorite coffee shop. He shrugged, checked his wallet, and decided to grab a cup of coffee before heading back to the filming.

He walked in, and saw a few people in the shop; a couple sitting together at the same laptop, and a few teenagers just out of school.

And then his eyes fell on _god_.

There was no way anyone that perfect could be anything less, after all.

Inky black hair framed an exquisite porcelain face; a proud nose and a high, prominent forehead and lips of crimson, and eyes that seemed to be drawn out of the deepest pools of night itself, and—

"Matsuda-kun! I have your latte ready!"

The detective jumped, and turned around, seeing Naomi, his favorite barista. He sighed with relief. Bless her, she knew him too well. "Thank you, Naomi-chan." He nodded in the direction of perfection. "By the way, do you know him?" Naomi nodded.

"He's a famous prosecutor. His name's Teru Mikami." Her grin got teasing. "Why, Matsuda-kun? You lookin' for a _boyfriend...?" _Matsuda glowered at her, and, laughing, she slid the latte to him.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you can snag him. He looks gay, anyhow. I can tell these things." Matsuda sighed, and nodded. "Good_bye, _Naomi-chan. Please don't get involved in this." She grinned wickedly.

"As you wish." He breathed a sigh of relief, and went over near Mikami. Perfection had a name, and Matsuda was determined to get perfection on a date.

In his planning, he hadn't noticed his untied shoe. And frankly, he didn't notice anything at all until the floor rushed up at him, and he heard a perfect, silky, midnight laugh behind him.

"Forgive me." The silvery voice purred. "Are you alright?" Matsuda felt like thudding his head against the floor again. Somewhere at the counter, he heard Naomi, cackling like a maniac. Damn her.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Matsuda muttered, getting up to stare at the voice.

And who should it be but Teru Mikami himself, smiling down at him, clearly amused by this stupid, stupid man who was now never going to end up asking him out on a date.

Mikami began laughing again, and held out a hand. Matsuda struggled to his feet, feeling heat surge through his body from his fingertips. Mikami sized him up, and Matsuda struggled not to blush ferociously as his gaze lingered on his lower half for almost half a minute.

"I'm Teru Mikami. Forgive me, my briefcase was in the aisle. What might your name be?" Matsuda took a breath, and said, "Matsuda Tota. No, it's okay, really. I'm a complete klutz. Is your briefcase unharmed?" He stopped.

Okay, one, he'd just given his real name out to a complete stranger. Two, _is your briefcase unharmed?! _Worst pickup line EVER. Seriously, he needed to get out more.

Mikami was laughing again, and Matsuda blushed. "It's a tank. Believe me; I've run it over with my car." He said in amusement. Matsuda relaxed a bit.

There was no way that this man could be Kira. And even if he was, it would be an honor to die at the hands of someone that sexy.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm just nervous." And he shouldn't have admitted that.

Mikami quirked a perfect eyebrow. "I see. Would you like to sit with me and discuss a few things? Your latte was unharmed in your fall." He said wryly.

Matsuda felt like he could fly. "Sure!"

So an hour or two passed, and they chatted aimlessly. Mikami discussed his career, and his cases, including one involving a Venus Flytrap digesting about one hundred dollars in cash, and Matsuda merely talked about some of his favorite things, since he couldn't exactly talk about the Kira case.

Until Misa-Misa burst in. "MATSUI!!" She roared, using his alias. Matsuda squawked in terror, and literally fell out of his seat. "YOU MORON! YOU DITCHED ME AT FILMING!" Matsuda stared in horror at her. Oh _shit_. He had.

Mikami raised an eyebrow. "Is she your girlfriend, Matsuda-san?" Matsuda shouldn't have said what he did next, but at his relief and amusement, he answered frankly.

"Of course not, I'm gay."

And, of _course_, he just immediately shot himself in the foot. /Metaphorically./

Misa's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "Matsui-chan...I..." Matsuda remembered she was there, and silently mouthed, "_Shit." _Misa squealed. "I KNEW IT!"

She yanked him out the door, but not before Mikami typed something in Matsuda's cell, tossed him his phone, and yelled, "Call me!"

* * *

Misa squealed happily the entire way home, while Matsuda felt like killing her. She was going to tell everyone, and, of course...

"HEY! GUESS WHAT, LIGHT-CHAN! MATSUDA-CHAN'S GAY!" Matsuda winced. Goddamn it.

Light quirked an eyebrow. "...Thank you for...telling me...?" He trailed off, and Matsuda saw he was fighting back a smile. Matsuda growled. Oh, fuck him, he was gay too. Hell, even Misa had found out, and had begun to tape Light and L's lovemaking sessions instead of fighting it.

Soichiro sighed, and said nothing, probably having gotten incredibly sick of everyone under the age of twenty-five in this investigation being gay. Aizawa and Mogi, thank god, merely rolled their eyes.

L bit his lip, and said, "Well, Misa, obviously you caught Matsuda with another man to prove your point, since there's an eighty-percent chance that he wouldn't tell you on his own." L's eyes took on a teenage girlish glint. "So, who's the lucky guy?" The panda asked, twitching a corner of his mouth in what was probably a smile.

Matsuda said nothing. Misa shrugged. "I dunno. He had longish black hair, and he looked like a lawyer." Matsuda blurted out, "Actually, he's a prosecutor." Misa rolled her eyes.

"Well, ex_cuuuse _me. _Pros_-ec-_utor_." L shook his head, and sighed.

"Gossip later, all of you. Light, fill me in on the details. We have to get back to work." Matsuda felt like kissing L for getting him out of that situation.

An hour later of relative silence and peace later, Matsuda felt his phone vibrate, and begin to sing.

"_I wanna fuck you like an __animal__,"_

Oh dear god, please _no._

"_I wanna feel you from the __inside__,"_

God _damn _you, Teru Mikami. God _damn _you.

Everyone was laughing to some degree. Face burning, Matsuda picked up the phone, and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL, MIKAMI!?"

There was staticky laughter on the end of the phone. "_Sorry, Matsuda-san, I had to do it. Goodbye!" _Dial tone.

Oh, for god's sake...

Misa bit her lip. "So, his name's Mikami..."

"Misa-chan, shut the hell up or I'll kill you, I swear."

"...Bitch."

* * *

Thankfully, at about six, L decided that, "For Matsuda's new boyfriend's sake, I am quitting early so Matsuda may get out on a date." Everyone was now apparently involved, he supposed.

And indeed, they would be. For L had placed a bug on Matsuda's phone, and he, Light, and Misa listened eagerly in on Matsuda's next conversation.

"_Teru-san?" _He asked into the phone. "_I'm sorry I yelled at you." _Mikami chuckled softly. "_Quite alright, Matsuda-san. In fact, I expected it. And frankly, it must've been rather amusing." _Matsuda said nothing for a moment, thinking.

"_Would you like to go out tonight?" _He blurted out, unsure of where that had come from. There was silence on the other end of the line, and Matsuda immediately hated himself. Dammit! He'd been too stubborn, and now...

"_Of course, Matsuda-san. I can't believe you didn't ask earlier." _He sighed in relief. Praise god. "_Actually, I wouldn't mind if you came over my house. I'm quite a good cook. It would be my pleasure." _Matsuda squealed mentally, but judging from the amused laughter issuing from his phone, he'd squealed out loud, too.

"_Okay, yes, of course. See you at seven, okay?" _Teru, bless him, agreed, gave him his address, and Matsuda hung up the phone.

He practically skipped the entire way to his apartment. He felt like screaming out to random passersby, "SWEET JESUS CHRIST, I'M IN LOVE! I FINALLY HAVE A POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND!" But this would've probably caused him to get carted off to the nearest mental institution, thereby missing his date with Teru, so he just did a happy dance in his head.

Once he got home, like most people, he immediately obsessed about what to wear. He sighed, and stared at his wardrobe, huffing angrily. Jeans and a sweater? Too...not him. No way was he going with a button down shirt and slacks, either. He was going to impress, dammit.

He fumbled through his clothes for a bit, before seeing the most perfect outfit ever crafted. He grinned. "_Perfect." _He hissed, yanking the clothes out, and heading to take a shower.

Twenty minutes later, he had yanked on jeans that were practically killing the feeling in his legs, and a just-as-tight shirt with an acid wash against a black background.

He sighed. Ah well. If you got it, flaunt it.

He grabbed a bottle of wine, two bottles of sake, and stopped by a florist's for roses. Was he pushing it? Hell yes, but roses were pretty, so it didn't matter.

And as soon as he started off on his way to Teru's house, that's when the trouble happened.

* * *

"Ssssh, L! You'll ruin our cover!" Misa hissed, sneaking after Matsuda with L and his boyfriend, in what was _really_ actually L's idea. Light rolled his eyes. "You calling him L isn't helping either." Misa glared at him, until Matsuda looked in their direction for a second.

Misa swore, and shoved L and Light into the bushes, diving in herself. Matsuda shrugged, and headed on. Misa sighed. "Be more discreet, damn you!"

"_Be more discreet, damn you." _Light mocked, adopting a whiny tone.

"Fuck you, prettyboy!"

"No way, Misa-san! He's mine!"

...Silence. Then, "BITCH!"

"I hate the both of you." Light grumbled.

They rushed after Matsuda, hiding behind trees, lampposts, and the occasional mailbox until Matsuda stopped at a small house.

"_Hide!" _Misa hissed, clinging to the side wall of the house. L and Light followed suit, and L remarked, "We should've gotten that blackface stuff." Misa rolled her eyes.

"You don't need it, you already look like a panda." L hissed. Bitch _went there. _"Oh, well, who cares!? AT LEAST LIGHT-CHAN FINDS _ME _SEXY!"

"BITCH!" Misa roared, tackling L, and as the two began catfighting, Light kicked them, hissing, "Shush!"

* * *

Matsuda rung the doorbell, and a voice called out, "Hang on, love, I'm in the shower!" Matsuda stopped. "_He just called me 'love'. And two, holy shit, Teru's in the shower. Don't even think about it..." _

He was so absorbed with thinking about not thinking about it, that when Teru opened the door and kissed him, he almost fainted.

"...I must say, Matsuda, you're the most entertaining person I've ever met." Matsuda felt like killing himself. And then...

"I think I'm in love." Amused tone or not, Matsuda almost began squealing like a fangirl again. He straightened himself, and said, "I brought roses. And drinks." Teru smiled.

"Ooh, goody. Drunken Matsuda, can't wait." He yanked Matsuda inside, and, ignoring the blush, looked up.

"Oh shit, I think that's my smoke alarm."

Five minutes later...

"Um...it's the thought that counts?" Matsuda offered, shrugging. Teru sighed.

"Frick. You know what, screw it. Let's just order in."

He and Matsuda stared at each other for a second, and then burst out laughing.

* * *

Ten minutes later, when the food had arrived, and the two had sat down to eat, Misa turned to Light. "_Track twelve!" _She hissed. Light sighed. "_Fine, fine." _And as he switched on the stereo, it began playing 'Kiss the Girl.'

Yes, from _The Little Mermaid._

"Isn't this...ah, a little...gender-bending?" L asked.

"I'm sorry, I had a hard time finding some queercore songs, okay!?" Misa hissed.

"How about _I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend?" _Light offered.

"Fine! Track eight! God, guys!" She hissed at them.

Teru put his fork down. "Matsuda-san...do you hear something?" The two of them stood up and looked over to the window.

"_Hey! We can't use this one, idiot! It's about a girl! Again!" _

"_Well, it's called I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend, and it's sung by a bunch of guys, so I thought..." _

"_Damnit..._Oh shit, they're right there."

L, Light, and Misa all stared up at Matsuda, who looked ready to kill them, and Teru, who just looked confused.

"Misa, Light, L, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!? FOR GOD'S SAKE, MISA! DID YOU PUT THEM UP TO THIS?!"

"Uh-uh! It was L's idea!"

"You were the one that suggested music! Quit blaming me! Percentage of being the second Kira, twenty percent!"

"GAH! YOU SUCK! STUPID PANDA BITCH!"

Light looked up at the two men, and shrugged. As Misa and L engaged in another catfight, he shook his head, and said, "I got dragged along into this. Don't mind me." Teru looked at Matsuda, confused.

"Matsuda-san...do you know these people?" Matsuda sighed.

"Wish I didn't. The blonde one's my psycho model client, Misa Misa, the panda is L, yes, the greatest-detective-in-the-world-and-sweet-fetishist-L, and the brunette is Light, who probably did just get dragged into this because he's L's bitch."

Mikami said nothing, merely took Matsuda's hand and dragged him away.

"Where's your house?"

"Why?" Matsuda asked. Teru rolled his eyes.

"Because I've had enough insanity for one night. Let's just go back to your place and get some sleep." He nodded, and, still holding Teru's hand, walked him all the back to his apartment.

"Sleep my ass! That's not the only thing they'll be doing!"

"Misa-chan, shut it!"

"Dammit Light, no! I WANT PICTURES!"

Matsuda resolutely ignored them, and Mikami bit his lip in a vain attempt not to laugh.

"It must be fun working with them." Mikami said, after they had gotten on their way to Matsuda's apartment. The man turned to him, and stared incredulously.

"Trust me, it's like being stabbed to death with a _needle_. Not my idea of fun." Teru shook his head, and laughed.

"I suppose it could get a little hectic." Thankfully, he wasn't asking any questions about why L had shown up at his place, and Matsuda supposed that it was because he _had _told Teru he was a detective.

He looked up. "We're here. Come on, let's just get in and watch a movie or something. I'm sorry my friends are so weird." Teru shrugged.

"It could've been worse. Misa-san could've actually come back here with a camera." Matsuda laughed.

"Psh, nah. I have a feeling they're still fighting outside your house."

Misa sat on the fire escape, camera in her hands.

"_Your instincts suck, Matsuda-chan." _

L and Light agreed.

Matsuda put on an American horror movie he'd gotten as a gift from Sayu, Light's little sister. (Apparently, she had developed both a fondness for him, /_Look!_ _He's like a puppy, onii-chan!, _and a fondness for horror movies.)

About twenty minutes in...

"Did that thing just rip her scalp off?"

"...Mmyep."

"Oh. Well, gross." Mikami said, matter-of-fact.

Matsuda rolled his eyes, and finally blurted out, "Oh, for god's sake, nothing's going right! It's not fair!" Teru raised an eyebrow at him. Matsuda felt hot tears springing to his eyes, and he continued.

"Seriously! First, Misa, L, and Light _stalked me, _then we had to order out, and I couldn't even cook, I brought you roses and was too pushy, and now we're not even watching a movie where at _least _I could pretend I was scared and get to hold your hand! This has got to be the worst date you've ever been on!" He burst out, trying hard not to cry.

He'd ruined it. Utterly ruined his chances with Teru, and now—

He felt a pair of warm arms wrap around him, and he heard Mikami sigh. "Matsuda...kun, don't worry. This may not be very romantic, but I think this was actually the best date I've ever been on. ...Even if I've only had, like, two other dates, and sent the poor girls home in tears." Matsuda raised an eyebrow, and nuzzled Teru's neck.

"I take it the, 'sorry girls, I'm gay', thing didn't work, huh?" Teru chuckled warmly.

"Nope. More's the pity." They stayed like that for a minute or two, and outside...

* * *

"Misa-san! Quit shoving!"

"Shut up, L! We're getting to the good part!"

"This isn't a movie!"

"...No, it'll end up going straight to video." Light grumbled, elbowing Misa, who now had a look of exultation on her face. Typical.

And indeed, after about another minute, Matsuda looked up at Mikami, and said, "Well, I suppose there's an opportunity to make this romantic," and kissed him softly.

"_YES!" _

"Misa-san! Shut UP!"

* * *

The best part was, after that one little kiss, the two were so furiously making out that they completely ignored Misa's squeals of delight, and the camera flashes.

"...Ah, ah, Matsuda-kun...let's take this..." He grabbed the hand of the out-of-breath detective, and yanked him towards the bedroom.

"Somewhere else."

Matsuda grinned, and nodded.

About another five minutes into this first date, and Matsuda whispered into Teru's ear, "_I've reconsidered. This is the best date I've been on, ever." _Teru nodded.

"Me too, love."

(And, _still_ outside...)

"Light-chan! Get me that video camera!"

* * *

(Wow. This was pretty much...WTF. I didn't intend for so much humor, or for L, Misa, and Light to play such large roles, but I just had to do it. And this was supposed to be a drabble, and it's like three thousand words by now. Sheesh. Anyways, yes, Sayu seems like the type to be a closet horror movie lover, and Matsuda looks like a poor little abandoned puppy sometimes. Aww, he's so cute. And yes, Matsuda in jeans and acid-washed tee shirt is SEXY. /laughs/

Anyways, yeah, I was pretty much like at the ending, "JESUS CHRIST JUST START MAKING OUT ALREADY, I'VE FILLED UP LIKE SEVEN PAGES." So it's a bit spontaneous, since, well, I had to put some romance in here. ...I really think this has more to do with humor than anything else...)


End file.
